So what are THESE Things that I am talking about?
What could I be in possession of that is hurting my relationship with my daughter?
What is it that could be causing her to disconnect from me, and possibly herself?
Great questions!! I am so glad you asked!
Are you ready to know what THESE things are?
Are you sure?
Yes, unrealistic expectations hurt your relationship with your daughter.
They cause you pain and suffering as well. Here’s why.
Unrealistic expectations cause us to place judgment and criticism on our daughters.
They cause us to look down on them.
The energy we are sending to them is that they aren’t good enough. They can never measure up.
We don’t mean to do this, though. We want the best for our daughters, that is why we push them so hard. That is why we expect so much from them.
Expectations, in general, do the exact opposite though.
When our daughters don’t meet these expectations, we typically get mad at them. We criticize them. Potentially tell them we are disappointed in them.
So what do they do?
They shut down. They stop trying. After all, nothing they do matters in your eyes, so why even try. They are just going to get it wrong.
This is the belief that expectations sink into our daughters’ minds.
The other end of the spectrum may happen as well.
They may become an over-achiever. Over compensating for the feeling of not “being good enough.”
On the outside, they look so successful, but they are miserable on the inside.
They can’t stop achieving because their worth, their identity, is tied to achieving.
This why over achievers tend to not have great relationships.
You know who else is affected by expectations? YOU!
It causes you pain. When they don’t meet the expectation, you become angry, frustrated, disgusted, and a host of other negative emotions that don’t fair well on your body.
When you live life like this on a constant basis, it is hard to show up the way you were meant to. It’s hard to show up the way your daughters need you to.
Again, you don’t do this to them on purpose…you mean well.
Now at this point, I have had people tell me they disagree with me. They say that we MUST have expectations because the world and life will expect things of them. If we don’t have expectations we are setting them up for failure.
And although I greatly disagree with their reasoning, I also, honor their opinion.
Just because the world and life expects things from us, does not mean we have to go along with what the world says we should be doing.
The world has pushed what it means to be a man on us for centuries, and we see that the old definition of what it means to be a man is very flawed.
Besides, most of the expectations we have are not even ours. They were passed on from us from our parents, which were passed on to them from their parents.
Expectations may also come from our own regrets, so we are forcing what we didn’t do onto our kids.
Both of these are harmful scenarios.
So what can you do instead? How do we help our daughters grow without placing expectations on them?
How do we guide them from a place of love?
We set standards and intentions.
Standards are the vision they are looking at. Intentions are the guide to make the vision a reality.
Intentions say “hey, I have these high hopes for you, and this is why I have them. It is my intention that you achieve these standards. But, if you don’t, I still love you. We all fall short. But we get back up and we try again.”
It takes the pressure off.
It allows our daughters to gracefully find out who they are, especially as they journey into adolescence.
There is no judgment and they can freely be them.
Expectations lead to judgment, shame, and the feeling of not being enough.
It forces them into a mold they may not necessarily fit. Shoot, it may not fit you either.
Intentions give them power. Expectations are forceful. Being forced to do anything is just not pretty.
Watch the video to learn more and how to let go of expectations.
Now, it’s time for you to share!
What is one thing that stood out to you from today’s video? What is one thing you are going to implement in your life starting today! Was there anything that made you think “whoa! I had no idea about that?”
Share as much as you care to, there will be many that will see this post and your questions and responses will help them.
If this has served you, do me a favor and share it with others so it can serve them as well.
If you are ready to take your life to the next level, awaken your inner power and strength creating the confidence, clarity, and freedom you are seeking, so that you can build a powerful relationship with your daughter, reach out to me. Let’s schedule a quick call to chat to see how I might be able to guide you.
Dads, the way we show up, determines how our daughters grow up!