Maybe she would be better off without me? Maybe she would be better off with someone else? Maybe she would be better off without me so I can no longer hurt her?
These were questions that ran through my mind as I contemplated giving up thinking my daughter would be better off without me.
The raging war within me was “too much” and I tried “everything” to overcome it, yet here I am.
The guilt and shame was unbearable as I hurt my daughter day after day. I wasn’t just losing the battle, I was losing the war.
Scared everyday when I woke up. Giving myself a pep talk not to get angry. My daughter walking on eggshells. I was walking on eggshells. I had no idea when the rage was going to strike next!! And it inevitably did. Day in and day out.
I thought I tried everything to overcome it, from anger management, counseling, therapy, medicine you name it.
Even sought out counsel from two separate pastors. Their advice was that I may be angry the rest of my life, but to keep giving it to this god outside of me and he would give me strength.
Pleading everyday for god to help, surrendering over and over, and failing over and over.
Until I hit my breaking point and was ready to give up, thinking my life was destined to be the way it was and the only way to protect my daughter was to leave the picture.
Then, one day I heard this voice whisper to me to “go deeper within.”
I skeptically listened. I had no idea if I would ever overcome anger, but I was either going to do it,or die trying…there was no turning back!
​
​
​​​​To think my story ended there and my life was perfect afterwards would be lying. Lol!
This was just the beginning of my journey as I went deep down the rabbit hole.
​
I experienced a spiritual awakening that totally destroyed every belief I had about myself, life, reality, god, EVERYTHING!!
I became addicted to healing. Then came out of that and took imperfect aligned action yet still felt stuck.
There always seemed to be this invisible wall holding me back. I was on this never ending roller coaster of inconsistency.
I tried every damn modality you could think of to get through it. Acupuncture, breathwork, meditation, hypnosis, timeline healing. I was doing all this damn work but still felt stuck.
I sought program after program, event after event, teacher after teacher, coach after coach, trying to help me figure out the “missing piece” that would help me move forward.
I felt unsafe in my body. There was nothing rational about this, but it was strong.
I thought something was wrong with me. But, I kept pushing forward, trying to force and control to only make things worse.
In doing all of that, I lost myself more. In trying to find myself OUT THERE, I became more lost.
Once again, I was ready to give up. Maybe this life was not meant for me. Maybe I’m destined to struggle. Have you ever felt that way?
Then I felt that calling like I did all those years ago when I began my journey. I was being called to go DEEPER WITHIN. But this time, not surface level deep, but ABYSS level deep.
Into all the grief, the sadness, the hurt, the pain, and everything I was avoiding, distracting myself from, or otherwise numbing out. Trying to find answers outside of me.
I not only was being called deeper, but still am being called deeper.
So I can pioneer a new path for generations moving forward. I am the chosen one in my family line to break the generational curses. Most likely, you are too, and that is why you are here.
Your purpose, just like mine, is to heal and create something new. Ushering a new era of man!
I have been in the depths of hell and now my mission is more clear and powerful. To help men Go deeper within themselves, in their relationships, and life. To WELCOME them back Home to who they TRULY are. To feel safe within, and to fully be themselves.
There is a direct correlation between how deep you can feel to how deep you can go in your life and relationships.
That is what I do. I have the ability to feel deeply, so I know how to take men there, safely.
I have the ability to feel into a person’s energy and KNOW exactly what they need in that moment for a breakthrough.
But here is where it gets even more unique. Unlike my journey, It does not have to be so hard, dark and heavy. I possess the gift of making the process light and fun, allowing healing to flow with ease. It’s called The Laughing Through Life Experience.
When you can connect deeper with yourself, you WILL REiGNITE that fire within and rise in power, passion, and purpose. You will undoubtedly show up and lead as the man and dad you were always meant to be.
You will experience a peace, freedom, and fulfillment like no other. And, learn to have fun on the journey.
Again, it requires you to feel deeper into yourself and heal at the cellular level.
This new era of man will show up powerfully, connected, and on fire to create a world on fire. Not destructively, but aligned and on purpose.
Are you ready? Join me on this mission if you dare!